Ah, FapHouse.com/Taboo, the place where the term "taboo" is more watered down than high school cafeteria ketchup. You'd expect some dark, edgy content to stir your imagination and bring out your inner kinkster, right? Nope. This place is about as "taboo" as my grandma’s knitting club discussing 50 Shades of Grey. FapHouse use implicitly suggestive titles to grab your attention, which is a clever trick, except all the videos are just regular porn that wouldn't even shock a Mormon.

No shade on FapHouse – everyone fucking does this. Ever since the word step-sister skyrocketed in popularity a few years back, taboo sites have been inundated with vanilla content that piggybacks on taboo titles. It’s all bullshit, through and through and they know it. I’m not ragging on FapHouse in particular – they actually aren’t directly involved in this. More on that later. They’re surprisingly good at what they do, even though there’s a lot to nitpick here.

No Free Smut

A month's subscription will cost you $6.99, which is like two overpriced lattes at Starbucks. Or you can go for a 3-month commitment at $5.99 per month – slightly cheaper, but still less satisfying than a cold pizza. A 12-month subscription is $4.99 per month, which is basically the cost of forgetting your homemade lunch and having to eat at McDonald's. And if you're really feeling bold and want to stake your claim on FapHouse for life, you can pay a one-time fee of $199.99. But let's be honest, you'd be more likely to spend that on a lifetime supply of beer – or fleshlights.

Could Be Worth It

I mean… forever only really means for as long as the site is up, but they’ve got a great track record. They’re very respected in the online porn world. I’ve heard nothing but good things. My gripes about the taboo section in particular is that it isn’t nearly as taboo as I’d like it to be. I saw some awesome stuff here that I’ve fapped to before, but I don’t consider it taboo. Hell, I consider it mainstream vanilla smut. The first video I recognized was one by Princess Leia – yes that’s what she calls herself. I know her from some work she did with Xev Bellringer and her husband. I wholeheartedly recommend that entire set. This is 10/10 porn, but it’s far from taboo.

Swing and a Miss

If FapHouse.com/Taboo were a movie, it'd be a Michael Bay blockbuster — a whole lot of build-up, and a disappointing payoff. But hey, at least Bay gives you robots fighting for the price of admission, not a barrage of vague, vanilla clips. I mean, I've seen more explicit action on prime-time television. General Hospital was tabooer than this. FapHouse try to reel you in with spicy titles, but the actual content is as mild as a cucumber sandwich.

Give it a Shot

I mean, I have this general idea that people doing naughty things that they shouldn’t be doing is sort of a good indicator, but promises you a refreshing dip into the world of adult entertainment, but instead, you're left with a soggy backyard and disappointment. If you have money burning a hole in your pocket and you've already invested in Bitcoin, beanie babies, and commemorative Elvis plates, then by all means, throw it at FapHouse. Otherwise, I'd suggest saving it for something more thrilling... like a pet rock. Am I being too mean? Sorry, I haven’t gotten laid for like… 2 days. I’m losing my shit.

Back to Reality

Currently, it’s almost entirely step sister and step mom shit, with one exception I found that was called… “Gypsy twins fuck South Park's man bear pig”. I shit you not, I copied the title verbatim. You can look it up. It was produced by HeavyOnHotties. This is … kind of taboo, I guess, in that the guy is an overweight abomination. And of course, twins are taboo by definition. Still, if this is the best FapHouse has to offer, I’m not impressed.

I’m Heartbroken as Fuck

But I’m reviewing the taboo section. This is an explicit, devoted part of the site that is supposed to appeal to people who are on the prowl for a specific type of smut. How the fuck am I supposed to recommend this shit to people when I know you guys will be let down?

You be the Judge

Luckily, there are trailers for every single video on this site, so at the very least you can sample before you make a final call. Check out the various videos on offer and make your decision. And, if any of you guys actually pay for the full experience, let me know if you consider this shit taboo.